A Painful Gift: The Journey of a Soul with Autism by Chris Goodchild

By Chris Goodchild

This superbly illustrated, relocating and revelatory publication will encourage readers to work out that it is usually that which supplies us the private sorrow in lifestyles which could convey us the best pleasure. 'Welcome to my global. i've got autism. 'But A Painful reward isn't approximately my autism. it's in regards to the fight to be actually ourselves on the planet. To be absolutely human, to the touch humans and to be touched via humans in go back. 'Autism is a blessing, a talented method of seeing the area. it's also deeply misunderstood. there's a lot speak of discovering a medication for autism, however it is just our lack of ability to just accept distinction that cries out to be remedied. 'Although autism is a present, it may be a painful reward. i've got shared my woundedness in complete so you may be given the energy to carry to mild your woundedness. nice love and nice soreness are a part of the non secular trip. soreness cannot purely holiday us down, it may well additionally holiday us open. This ebook is a pilgrimage of the brain to the center and is an affidavit to the truth that it's not the absence of illness that makes us who we're, yet our faithfulness in adversity that's the deeper degree. 'My private prayer is that every one who learn this booklet can be encouraged to determine that it is usually that which supplies us the private sorrow in existence that may convey us the best joy.' Christopher Goodchild

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My head was full of demons screaming at me; my soul offered no resistance. I was taken over by death. Having read and studied the poets and religious writers in my attempt to learn the language of desolation, I had come across the writings of Emile Durkheim, who was the founding father of modern sociology and author of Suicide, which has now become a classic and authoritative work, widely acknowledged as the most penetrating and insightful of any such study. I had a burning desire to end my suffering in this life.

I started to lose all hope of ever being a true part of the world around me. I felt a crushing sadness that most of my time with Daniel I felt horribly crippled inside and frequently whilst being with him would cry inwardly with despair. My throat would feel swollen with tension, such was the extent to which I would forcibly swallow down my sadness. I would be mentally shattered by the time I boarded my train home to London after my time with Daniel. It was here on these fortnightly journeys back to the capital, whilst looking out the train window, that for the first time in my life I felt such intense relief and release of tension, at the prospect of death.

Because I felt such great love for Daniel, this time I couldn’t pull back and turn away – I was ‘nailed’ and couldn’t break away. What was worse, although I loved him more than anything else in the world, the deep feeling of at-oneness whilst being in his company caused such awful intrusive thoughts and awkwardness, it felt like some strange kind of ‘empathic backlash’ and as such, it felt as if nails were being driven into my very being. It would€be understandable to see such difficulties purely in the context of Daniel’s innocence and tenderness unlocking my vulnerability,€my resistance to this experience of intimacy coming in the form of these awful thoughts when I was spending time with him and when we were playing together.

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